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This Just In ...

Kevin Fischer is a veteran broadcaster, the recipient of over 150 major journalism awards from the Milwaukee Press Club, the Wisconsin Associated Press, the Northwest Broadcast News Association, the Wisconsin Bar Association, and others. He has been seen and heard on Milwaukee TV and radio stations for over three decades. A longtime aide to state Senate Republicans in the Wisconsin Legislature, Kevin can be seen offering his views on the news on the public affairs program, "InterCHANGE," on Milwaukee Public Television Channel 10, and heard filling in on Newstalk 1130 WISN. He lives with his wife, Jennifer, and their lovely young daughter, Kyla Audrey, in Franklin.

Embracing sprawl

By guest blogger J. Gravelle

FRANKLIN, WI [ LINK : JSOnline ] A good test of one's character is to see if we can adhere to our stated principles even if that sort of inflexibility would prove costly to us.

I, for example, am against redistributionism, e.g. - robbing from Peter to pay Paul. But I am also, you may be aware, outrageously handsome. So even though it would be in my best interest for Wisconsin to adopt a tax on the ugly to subsidize the more beautiful among us, I would have to stick to my 17-inch, chiseled, sinewy, muscular guns and oppose that initiative. Otherwise, I'd be unprincipled. I'd be a hypocrite.

I'd be... well, a liberal.

One particularly vociferous left-wing congregation in the Church of the Latter Day Sanctimonious routinely opposes something they call "sprawl". From what I've been able to ascertain, "sprawl" is loosely interpreted to mean "anything that benefits human beings". There are certain exceptions, but you apparently need a Liberal Arts degree to comprehend them. For example, tearing down a church to build a Costco isn't "sprawl", but tearing down a Kmart to build a Walmart IS.

Sprawl is progress.  People who oppose progress call themselves "Progressive".  Don't re-read that last sentence, or a vein in your head will pop.

It's also not considered "sprawl" if the thing you develop is "green". In Waukesha County they're tearing down a golf course to build a swamp-- I mean, a "wetland", with winding pathways that will allow us to walk through and admire how very wet the land truly is. I'm assured this isn't sprawl either, probably because it doesn't benefit human beings. Just environmentalists.

(As an aside, I'm not certain how one "tears down" a golf course, nor how one "builds" a wildlife sanctuary, nor why it costs bazillions of taxpayer dollars to accomplish either. Anybody who has managed to trim a decent putting green into their backyard knows it'll go away on its own overnight. And wildlife sanctuaries build themselves. We used to have a cabin up north that would start turning itself back into a natural habitat the second we pulled out of the driveway.)

Anyway, to re-cap, "sprawl" is usually the byproduct of evil capitalist developers developing their capitalistic evilness. But one such entrepreneur has managed to win the Nader-esque naysaying non-sprawlers over to HIS side with his proposed "Fountains of Franklin" development at 56th and Rawson.

Proponents cite the "green space" in his plan, but we shouldn't discount the psychological leverage the word "fountains" can garner either. That's the sort of wordplay that gave us "office parks", a label that brings to mind men in three piece suits on a teeter-totter, and women in business skirts riding the swingset.  (I picture that last thing a lot, actually.)

The Fountains of Franklin developer has amassed further gravitas among the left thanks to a stubborn old couple (aptly named the 'Fox'-es) who are daring to use their adjacent property to earn a living. That's right: they're private land-owning capitalists, making them handy diversions for the corporate, land-developing capitalists.

Ordinarily, I might find it hard to pick a dog in this fight. I support any private landowner's right to do whatever the heck they want with their own land. But I oppose coercive redistributionism in all its forms, and that principle, specifically, lands me on the Fox's sideline.

They've made no demands upon their neighbors. Conversely, the neighborhood (and the neighborhood hoods) are doing everything in their power to run these folks off their land under the guise of [*shudder*] "the greater common good". The principled way for one person to have a say in the property usage of another is to simply buy the land in question. The Fox family doesn't want to sell. That should be the end of the discussion, but it isn't.  This sort of symbolic purchase offer is the perfect subterfuge, allowing the redistributionists to move in and make a land-grab.

Enter the politicians and the lawyers, who will try every trick in the book (and a few that aren't IN the book, but are "implied" by precedent case law) to threaten, coerce, and cajole this elderly couple off their property.

Perhaps Franklin should worry less about the Foxes on their land, and more about the sharks in their Fountains...

- J. Gravelle

( Gravelle isn't supposed to write for this blog, or even contact Kev any more.  The restraining order was very specific.  We don't know how this piece got published, but we suspect he had help from the Democrats who hacked Sarah Palin's email account. )

The Fatal Position

By guest blogger J.Gravelle

People offer moral justification for arguments on both sides of the death penalty.  My pro-death penalty stance isn't philosophical.  It's pragmatic: 

We need the parking.

Those of you who can't accept that there are terrible people out there who society is better off without have apparently never watched the news.  Or for that matter, C-SPAN.  But I digress.

Most folks have heard by now that a Wisconsin jury this week awarded the murderer of a little girl over a quarter million dollars to buy himself a top of the line Sleep Comfort Select Number prison bunk mattress, with a special vibration setting for cell-block sodomy.  His is one name on a countless roster of useless bodies sucking our valuable air and, I might add, exhaling dangerous carbon dioxide which we all know kills cartoon polar bears.

So join me in helping to re-instate capital punishment, won't you?  Send the below email to the most powerful politicians in Wisconsin, like Governor Doyle, State Treasurer Dawn Sass, and the board of MATC.  Remember, if you're not a part of the extermination, you're part of the infestation:

Dear Exalted Overlord,

There are way too many of us.  The freeway's usually clogged, there's never an open register at Target, and car wash lines... I mean, forget about it.  Oh, and now hair salons do this thing where they SAY they don't take reservations, but then you go down there and your name has to go on a list, and I'm all like, well "this IS a reservation" and they're always like "no it isn't" and you have to wait forever because there are too many other people on their stupid non-reservation list.

What I'm trying to say is... well, face it:  it's time to thin the herd.

Fortunately, our prisons are full of subhumans who, by virtue of their horrific crimes, have all but volunteered for expatriation to the hereafter.  I'm enclosing a copy of Logan's Run so that you can see for yourself just how beautiful a well choreographed mass extermination can be.  Don't watch the whole thing though, it gets preachy.

I was on the fence for this whole death penalty issue for quite some time, until the Associated Press broke this story.  The crime described is horrific and unforgivable, and I hope that it will move you (as it did me) to endorse a return of capital punishment to the State of Wisconsin.


Lowly Taxpaying Peon

I'm counting on your help, people.  Remember, this sort of activist letter is like a Democrat straight-party ballot.  You can submit as many of them as you want to...

- J. Gravelle

(Kev is filling in for Mark Belling today, and he left his blog unlocked with the keys in the ignition.  We're sorry you had to see this...)

Make Donaldssss

By guest blogger J. Gravelle

There's a new ad for McDonald's restaurants that features an animated "Wisconsin Guy" pitching us their menu of healthy, wholesome foods from what some advertising agency determined would be a quaint, localized perspective.

Here's the problem:  Wisconsin Guy talks like Mike Ditka.  The character is "Chicago Guy" with a green face and a foam cheesehead.  Madison Avenue executives have determined that there's no grammatical distinction between Ill-annoy-ans and Wisconsinites.  They assume that the entire midwest always pronounces the letter "A" as a long vowel, and that any word ending in "S" should be stretched out for a few seconds so it sounds like the speaker is losing air.  Aceholesssss.

Criminy.  Who don't know da dif-rinse between da way us normal people talk and dem flatlanders, hey?  Somebody oughtta (as my Sout' Side bud Diamond Jim once said) call 'em on da phone an' set 'em straight right to their face.  Youse agree, ain'a?

I'm definitely going to complain to the McDonald's corporation about this.  I was going to say something at the drive through at breakfast this morning, but I forgot.  Hadn't had my McCoffee yet.  Maybe I'll register my complaint at lunch, if they're not too busy.  Otherwise, I'll definitely tell them off at dinner.

They can't take THIS Wisconsin customer for granted...

- J. Gravelle

(Gravelle is guest-blogging today.  His court-appointed therapist thought it might be good for him... )

My special guest Wednesday on WISN...

Wednesday I fill in for Mark Belling on Newstalk 1130 WISN from 3-6. My special guest in the 5:00 hour will be conservative columnist Dinesh D’Souza, author of What's So Great About Christianity, What’s So Great About America and Enemy at Home.

We’ll discuss the other Obama......not Michelle, the other one.

Don't forget......J. Gravelle lends his unusual brand of humor and political commentary to some guest blogs here on Wednesday.

John McCain and Sarah Palin, if you were a sandwich, what would it be?

Sounds like an old film clip of Barbara Walters.

But this new creation is all the rage, going for about $13, and always selling out.


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