This Just In ...

Sweet Jesus, it's hot.......inside!

Posted by Kevin Fischer on July 17, 2010

81 degrees. 81.

That’s what the thermostat read inside church during Mass last Sunday morning.

I wasn’t surprised. My church, the most beautiful in all of Milwaukee, has no air conditioning. While that probably pleases some liberal heathens, it does result in some discomfort.

I know it will be toasty again this Sunday, just as it I knew it would be a few weeks ago when, during a weak moment, I seriously considered wearing shorts to church where I usher every week. I hadn’t done that since I was a kid and my bare legs were hidden beneath my acolyte cassock.

Plastered on the walls in the back of church are small posters reminding churchgoers that certain wardrobe items are taboo. However, the postings warn about the more obvious improper clothing, like revealing tube tops exposing the midriff.

So what about shorts? I decided to consult an expert…..the Internet. According to Google, it took me 0.15 seconds to get the answer that I pretty much expected:


“Men should never wear shorts to Church.”


Msgr. Charles Pope, (no, I’m not kidding) of Washington D.C. recently wrote a column titled, “Adore the Lord in Holy Attire – On Proper Dress for Mass.” Pope’s informative, Dressing for Sunday Church for Dummies-like piece, I believe, should be required reading material to be copied and stuffed into every Sunday bulletin across the country.

Pope strikes an important chord. Let me Fischer-ize Pope’s premise: People are pigs who have lost all respect for themselves and others. Why would we expect them to dress properly, even to visit the Lord’s House?

My record of never wearing shorts to church, except during my alter boy days, I’m proud to say, is still intact.  Certainly, I can hold out for an hour or so once a week a few times each summer.

Dear God, I ask but one thing in return: On those Sunday scorchers, could we please ditch the 20-minute homilies?