This Just In ...
Kevin Fischer is a veteran broadcaster, the recipient of over 150 major journalism awards from the Milwaukee Press Club, the Wisconsin Associated Press, the Northwest Broadcast News Association, the Wisconsin Bar Association, and others. He has been seen and heard on Milwaukee TV and radio stations for over three decades. A longtime aide to state Senate Republicans in the Wisconsin Legislature, Kevin can be seen offering his views on the news on the public affairs program, "InterCHANGE," on Milwaukee Public Television Channel 10, and heard filling in on Newstalk 1130 WISN. He lives with his wife, Jennifer, and their lovely baby daughter, Kyla Audrey, in Franklin.
Culinary no-no #150
ON THIS MILESTONE EDITION, I THINK BACK TO THE VERY FIRST CULINARY NO-NO THAT WAS INSPIRED BY A RATHER GENTLE, IF YOU WILL, SPOUSAL DISAGREEMENT I HAD WITH MY LOVELY WIFE, JENNIFER. “KETCHUP ON A BRAT” HAS BEEN PICKED UP BY AND REFERRED TO BY SOME IN THE BLOGOSPHERE. IT STARTED IT ALL, AND I’M AMAZED THAT THIS CONCEPT HAS CONSISTENTLY BEEN ONE OF MY MOST POPULAR ENTRIES EACH WEEK. FITTINGLY, CULINARY NO-NO #150 INVOLVES AN EVER SO SLIGHT DIFFERENCE OF OPINION IN THE FISCHER HOUSEHOLD.
Let’s be clear from the very beginning.
Previous Culinary no-no’s have been outright outrageous: Food shortages caused by the ethanol craze resulting in people dying, topless waitresses at a coffee shop, government regulation of restaurant menus, eating insects, showing disrespect to your waiters.
This week’s no-no, on a scale of 1-10 admittedly is in that 1 or 2 range. This will not ruffle any feathers (at least, I don’t think so), and there’s no mention of death, sex, or politics.
Oh my God, I probably shouldn’t have said that. You’re probably wondering why the hell should I read any further.
BECAUSE IT’S CULINARY NO-NO, SILLY!.........the blog where I break the rule of burying the lead with the incredibly long set-up till we get to all the good stuff that has kept you coming back for the past 149 no-no’s.
Forward!
We haven’t talked about this for a long time on Culinary no-no:
Who doesn’t love pizza?
Because I consider this to be a quality blog, I’ve never delved into the common debates about pies, whether thick or thin,
The same holds true this week. I’m about to raise an issue about this Italian classic that I bet is on the minds of millions (ok, maybe hundreds) but has never been discussed in a public forum until now.
And again, it’s a topic of conversation discussion Jennifer and I have, but the disclaimer is that this is not World War III material, capiche?
It still warrants, in my book, a Culinary no-no.
Let’s say you’re going out for pizza. No problem. When Jennifer and I hit the town for Italian, we don’t need a menu.
Cheese, sausage, onions, mushrooms, black olives please.
Me personally? I don’t stomp my feet and insist on a certain crust. The toppings are what counts. For example, at Michaelangelo’s in
OK. So now Jennifer and I have selected our pizza. We always order the super jumbo humongous gigundo enormous version so we can take leftovers and raid the refrigerator later.
Here’s where real life turns into an episode of Seinfeld.
No need for menus, right. We know when we pulled out of our driveway what we here having, right.
We now order the pizza, hand menus over to the waiter/waitress, and suddenly out of the blue, the lovely Jennifer stares across the table at me and asks in that how can I refuse her tone, ”Can we get garlic bread?”
“Can we please get garlic bread?”
Who doesn’t love garlic bread?
“Can we please get garlic bread?”
I love garlic bread.
I want garlic bread oozing with butter and grease to totally mess up my face, like a State Fair cream puff. Multiple napkins are a must.
Better yet. Give me an order of cheese bread.
Oooey gooey cheese bread.
Man that’s good.
But now pizza has been ordered.
And my wife wants garlic bread, too.
Remember, on the scale of Culinary no-no’s, this ranks on the scale of notes hit by Elvis’ back-up baritone singer J.D. Sumner. For the few un-initiated out there, that means really looooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwww.
On the Food Network’s website, Bobby Flay says to make garlic bread, you need a loaf of Italian or French bread. Let’s stick with the Italian theme and go to the Food Networks’ recipe for basic Italian bread.
- 2 cups water, lukewarm.
- 1 3/4 ounces cake
- 5 3/4 cups bread
- 1 tablespoon dark brown sugar
- 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
- 1 tablespoon salt
- 1 egg white, lightly beaten
- 2 tablespoons sesame seeds
From the same Food Network, we get Emeril Lagasse’s recipe for pizza dough:
- 1`cup warm water
- 1 packet dry yeast
- 1 tablespoon sugar
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 2 1/4 cups flour (may use a little more or less)
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
Yeast and flour and salt.
Yeast and flour and salt.
Yeast and flour and salt.
I have about as much culinary expertise as a George Webb short order cook at 4:00 in the morning, but it seems to me that you don’t have to be Wolfgang Puck or Sandy D’Amato to figure out that pizza crust and dough are pretty much the same as pizza bread.
So why, darling Jennifer gazing with sad eyes across the table from me, must we have garlic bread (pizza without the meat) and pizza?
When we order that combo, I of course grab for more than one slice of the garlic or cheese bread, and then when the real reason Jennifer and I stepped out for the evening, the pizza with the gazillion toppings arrives, I have but little room for one gargantuan piece and maybe another small one, and then stick a fork in me, I’m done. I just went out and spent $50 essentially on bread.
But Kevin, you said you love garlic and cheese bread!
Yeh, I do. I really do. But not when I’m ordering pizza.
When I order pancakes at breakfast, I don’t start out with a Belgian waffle.
Garlic or pizza bread is great when I’m ordering lasagna or some other Italian dish.That's totally different. But I’m thinkin’ garlic/cheese bread just about fills me up and takes away my pizza craving for the night.
Not a big deal, I know, I know.
Certainly not like ketchup on a brat.
CULINARY NO-NO BONUS
What kind of oil were those fast food French fries made in?
ANOTHER CULINARY NO-NO BONUS
IronCupcake
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