Culinary no-no #127

Before we get into the meat of this week’s installment, your indulgence, please. I invite you to watch this tantalizingly appetizing video of a piece done on the locally produced TV series, “Milwaukee Foodie” featuring highly acclaimed chef Jacques Pepin on a recent visit to our town (The video works as a perfect segue into our discussion, so no skipping ahead!).

Watch and enjoy, then come back for the rest of Culinary no-no #127.








Now wasn’t that a great video. I love Jacques Pepin.

Sure, Kevin but…

World-renowned chef.  He’s interesting just to listen to with that wonderful accent, even when he says something like, “ya know!”

That’s nice, Kevin…

I love veal. Didn’t those veal roasts look scrumptious?

Uh, Kevin?

Potatoes with cheese…

Kevin? Where’s the no-no?

What a great setting. One of Milwaukee’s best restaurants, Bacchus.

The no-no, Kev. I watched that video like you asked me to and now I want to know, what pray tell is the cotton pickin’ no-no?

I’M GETTING’ TO IT, ALRIGHT! I’M GETTING TO IT!

As you know, there's a certain buildup to these no-no's.

The sputtering economy has more and more families thinking fewer nights out and more leftovers.

A few weekends ago, while doing what most men do in front of the television, I was giving the remote a workout until I stumbled upon the famed Pepin’s show on Milwaukee Public Television that had just started. The focus of the program was what to do with odds and ends hanging around in your refrigerator or pantry.

This ought to be good, I thought. Pepin is, after all, pretty good in the kitchen and it’s nice just to hear him speak, ya know.

PAY ATTENTION NOW, FOLKS.

THE NO-NO IS LURKING NEARBY.

Kevin!

No!

Sacré bleu!

You’re not thinking of finding a no-no with the great Jacques Pepin.

You KAHNT be serious!

Oui.

I am.

You know how the French cook. They throw all this junk together, put a sauce all over it, give it a title that’s impossible to pronounce, and it winds up looking fantastic, even if they do over charge you.

Smiling with enthusiasm, Pepin embarks on preparing a skillet dish that would make mouths water and that he, of course, deemed worthy of putting on taxpayer supported television.

What transpired was a concoction you couldn’t get someone to devour before being sent before a French firing squad. (And remember, regular readers of Culinary no-no know I am  not fussy and will eat just about anything. Insert Kevin Fischer is overweight joke here, but don’t forget the TV camera adds 15 pounds).

One of the greatest chefs in the universe tried to sell me on this gastronomical masterpiece that included, in no particular order, these ingredients tossed into a skillet:


Orrichette pasta

Fennel, sliced thin

Green peppers

Garlic

Golden Raisins

Canned tuna

Parmasano Reggiano

Chopped parsley


I’m sorry. Even if I couldn’t spell James Beard, I know a wine made with the bare feet of a choir of angels isn’t good enough to enhance this ordure (That would be French for “slop” but doesn’t ordure sound so much classier?)

Pepin is not alone in trying to get cute with leftovers.

Lynne Rossetto Kasper is the host of American Public Media’s, “Splendid Table” that is broadcast on public radio stations across the country. I hear it on Sirius Satellite Radio and have blogged about the program in the past. (Kasper has the perfect highbrow voice for public radio. Think Susan Stamberg).

On occasion, Kasper will host a segment inviting callers to dial in and tell her five items that are currently in their refrigerators or pantries. She will then magically concoct a supposedly appealing dish in mere minutes from those five ingredients.

Can you imagine? 

Of course, the calls are pre-taped and screened, and every caller goes away in pure amazement, anticipating in sheer wonderment how the Make-a–Dish will excite their palates to no end.

BOTTOM LINE: As knowledgeable as Pepin and Kasper are (Kasper has won several James Beard awards), sometimes you can get too creative. As a former colleague of mine at WMTJ, the well-known Mike Elliott used to say, you can be “too hip for the room.”

Or maybe it’s the public broadcasting syndrome. Unless your nose is scraping against the ceiling, you can’t possibly be relevant or interesting.

As for me, when it comes to leftovers, I’ll take the white Styrofoam containers, thank you.


CULINARY NO-NO BONUS

The buzz at this year’s Wisconsin State Fair was the chocolate-covered bacon.

I was there 11 days, folks. Number of people I found that said they liked it: ZERO.

You think that’s bad (I do)? How about this?

If you happen to like that, I'm sure you'd enjoy...




The maple bacon donut at Voodoo Donuts in Portland.

I'll pass, but I'd definitely try this from the Voodoo menu:

The Memphis Mafia
(chocolate chips/banana/ peanutbutter/glaze big!)


CULINARY NO-NO UPDATE:

Last week's no-no dealt with the eviction of a New York hot dog vendor from the best location in the Big Apple because he couldn't pay his half-million dollar plus rent.

Now, vendors are popping up like flies.