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Kevin Fischer's Official Voting Guide: November 2008

Posted by Kevin Fischer on Nov. 3, 2008

• If you don’t know when Election Day is, when it does finally arrive, please don’t vote.
  
   
• If you don’t know where to vote and don’t have the slightest idea of how to find out where you vote, please don’t vote.

• If you don’t know who your alderman is, please don’t vote.

• If you don’t know who your Mayor is, please don’t vote.

• If you don’t know who’s on your School Board, please don’t vote.

• If you’re going to vote for someone because you saw his/her yard sign, please don’t vote.

• If you’re going to vote for someone because you think his/her website is really cool, please don’t vote.

• If you’re going to vote for someone simply because you like that person’s thirty-second TV spot, please don’t vote.

• If you’re going to vote for the incumbent only because you think he/she has experience, please don’t vote.

• If you’re going to vote for the challenger only because you think it’s time for a change, please don’t vote.

• If you haven’t read a single newspaper story or blog or haven’t heard or seen any radio or TV talk shows or news stories about the elections, please don’t vote.

• If you’re going to vote for someone simply because your spouse is voting that way, please don’t vote.

• If you’re going to vote for or against someone strictly because of the way he/she looks, please don’t vote.

• If you’ve never contacted a local official on any issue and then complained about something he/she did after the fact, please don’t vote.

• If you’re going to vote for someone because their supporters had a rally and you were able to attend and get out of class at the same time, please don’t vote.

• If you’re going to vote because you think the country needs “change,” but you have no idea what that means, please don’t vote.

• If you think we don’t spend enough on schools and need to spend a whole lot more, please don’t vote.

• If you think taxes are too low, please don’t vote.

• If you think the wealthy who have worked hard all their lives and have built successful businesses and create jobs but don’t pay enough taxes, please don’t vote.

• If you believe those who don’t pay taxes and don’t work should be compensated by higher taxes on the wealthy, please don’t vote.

• If you believe we should sit down with terrorists and our enemies and try to negotiate America’s safety and well-being, please don’t vote.

• If you think the answer to teen pregnancy is to hand out more condoms in classrooms, please don’t vote.

• If you think babies that survive abortions and are alive and breathing should receive no medical treatment and be allowed to die, please don’t vote.

• If you or your spouse has never been proud to be an American until now, please don’t vote.

• If a Hollywood star has ever given you a big, fat check, please don’t vote.

• If MSNBC is your favorite cable channel, please don’t vote.

• If you cheer for Joel McNally on Milwaukee Public Television’s InterCHANGE, please don’t vote.

• If you absolutely can’t stand my blog but just can’t stay away and feel the need to check in numerous times each and every day, please don’t vote.

• If you’ve ever had a dream about light rail, please don’t vote.

• If you’ve ever had a nightmare about light rail, vote for the Republican of your choice.

• If anyone in your family voted for FDR four times, please don’t vote.

• If the first section you read in the Journal Sentinel is the editorial page, please don’t vote.

• If you believe plants and trees and sidewalks are more important than businesses and the jobs they create, then please don’t vote.

• If you think your vote won’t matter anyway, please don’t vote.

• If any of these bullet points had you fuming and fussing and yelling at the computer, please don’t vote.