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This Just In ...

Kevin Fischer is a veteran broadcaster, the recipient of over 150 major journalism awards from the Milwaukee Press Club, the Wisconsin Associated Press, the Northwest Broadcast News Association, the Wisconsin Bar Association, and others. He has been seen and heard on Milwaukee TV and radio stations for over three decades. A longtime aide to state Senate Republicans in the Wisconsin Legislature, Kevin can be seen offering his views on the news on the public affairs program, "InterCHANGE," on Milwaukee Public Television Channel 10, and heard filling in on Newstalk 1130 WISN. He lives with his wife, Jennifer, and their lovely young daughter, Kyla Audrey, in Franklin.

If you are a member of the Franklin Architectural Review Board, you are seriously advised not to read this blog

I repeat, if you are a member of the Franklin Architectural Review Board, especially you Ted Juerisson, I strenuously suggest that you go no further and hit delete, the back button, whatever.

But whatever you do, do not read this blog for it may cause trauma and damage to your psyche.

Here we go.

You’ve been warned.

A few weeks ago, the unelected, not accountable to anyone and not all that important Franklin Architectural Review Board met to consider whether they needed to pool their collective brain cells (a tiny amount at that) to regulate bright outdoor lights in Franklin, specifically bright outdoor lights coming from signs in Franklin, even more specifically bright outdoor lights from businesses trying to make a profit and create jobs in Franklin.

Nervous nelly old Ted Juerisson said he’s concerned about the sign at the car wash at 76th and Rawson, calling it, “overwhelming.”

Overwhelming my eye. Have you seen that sign? The lights in my bathrooms (yes, plural because I live in Franklin meaning I must be filthy rich) are more overwhelming.

My God, the danger, the high risk, the potential for deadly carnage!

I’d like to show you a photo taken by an enterprising staffer at FranklinNOW.com clearly demonstrating how seriously overwhelming the brightness of that sign at the car wash is, posing extreme hazards to motorists.






















Well, I would, but there is no such photo.

If there was, it would show how ludicrous the “overwhelming” accusation is. By the way, who puts these characters on the Review Board anyway?

Can you imagine if these jokers worked in…








Might be too hip and trendy for the Franklin bunch.

They might go into cardiac arrest if they ever found out that a new restaurant wants to put up a sign they’d probably find controversial because it’s pro-business and lights up.

The Riverside Grill and Sunset Bar is scheduled to open in April and the proprieters want to post this sign:



A rendering of the proposed sign at the Riverside Grill at Beale Street Landing


OMG!



A rendering of the proposed sign at the Riverside Grill at Beale Street Landing

It's 20 feet high.

What???


The 20 feet includes a 10-foot pedestal.



A rendering of the proposed sign at the Riverside Grill at Beale Street Landing


There's more.

Oh, no!

Please, Kevin!

No more!

I beg you, please!


See that paddle wheel on top?



A rendering of the proposed sign at the Riverside Grill at Beale Street Landing



Yes, yes, now I see it!

Oh, God, no.

Stop.

Make it stop!


Take a good look. It's neon red.



A rendering of the proposed sign at the Riverside Grill at Beale Street Landing


Oh the pain!

The pain!

Make it go away!

And that paddle wheel. Guess what?

It rotates.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

The absolute horror and abomination!


The restaurant’s operators will appear before the Downtown Memphis Commission's Design Review Board at 4 p.m. March 6 to kiss their rings in hopes of obtaining signage approval.

What they'd also like is to have a steam whistle to let everyone know it’s 5 o’clock. In Franklin, that would be heart attack city.

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