Ms. Elaine Kneeous

Justifiable Homicide... at Sendik's?

Posted by Jennifer Fischer on April 16, 2012

I enjoy shopping at the Franklin Sendik’s any time, but my favorite time of day is around 7:30 am.  Everything is fresh & sparkling; the bakery is well-stocked; the salads and other deli items are extra neat; produce is just-iced-down.

Generally the only other shoppers in there are grabbing a dozen of some baked good to take to work.  They know what they want and need; they order it and proceed to the check out.  Rarely do I ever encounter anyone else at the deli at 7:30.  Except the other morning when I was in a particular hurry.  As the saying goes, “It never fails.”  All I wanted was a quarter pound of Genoa and a quarter pound of American cheese.  Mere seconds before I arrived at what would have been a deserted deli, Customer Of The Year beat me to the coveted first-to-be-waited-on position.

This is how she starts her order:  “I want a nice ham, something lean, not too salty but still with a lot of flavor… what do you recommend?”  Like she was ordering a one hundred year old bottle of wine.  Lady, it’s ham.  Order a half pound of baked ham like everyone else does and get out of my way.

The very patient deli associate proceeded to explain the MANY varieties of ham Sendik’s is proud to carry.  Finally, by the grace of God, she figured out a particular kind she wanted.  She managed to order two pounds.  Of course.  You would order two pounds when no other associate is around to take my meager order.

She’s watching the girl slice her precious pig and stops her not even half way through the process.  “How much do you have there?”  Hello!  The girl does not have a scale built in to her right hand.  Patient deli worker placed the pile of meat on a scale and told her “About a half a pound.”  Ms. All The Time In The World Because I Am Retired then declared, “Just leave that, and give me the rest in that other kind of ham.”  SERIOUSLY?  I have a husband who needs a lunch before he leaves for work and I would like to return home BEFORE THEN.

As I am sighing and rolling my eyes and wondering if I would ever get to leave with my order, the ham slicing process has finally finished.  But wait!  It doesn’t end there!  Oh no, because she needs four to six slices of various cheeses!  Shoot me now.  No wait, I’d rather shoot you.  Deli associate simply continued to smile and slice.

To the customer’s good fortune, another deli associate finally came on the scene and was able to take care of me.  And I STILL left before HamZilla.

Now, I’ve been there.  I’ve worked retail and I could tell you hundreds of stories that would all end in your same question:  “Are you kidding?”  And every time the response would be, “I am totally serious.”  I know what it is like to deal with bozos.  If you want to keep your job, you keep your smile.  You quietly gripe to your coworkers when said bozo is out of earshot, but that’s about the best you can do.

As a customer, however, I could have done a lot more.  I could have done everything from uttering a very pointed and sarcastic, “Are you KIDDING me?” when she placed her fifth cheese order to popping her in the nose.

Generally one to avoid confrontation, I chose to do nothing.  First of all, I finally got waited on.  I wasn’t in the mood at that moment to be belligerent.  And quite frankly I didn’t want the Franklin PD there for any other reason than a dozen donuts.  So I kept my mouth shut.  That woman is very lucky to have shopped at that moment for two reasons:  She had a very accommodating deli associate wait on her, and I wasn’t feeling particularly violent.